15 January 2020:  I want to know what it will really be like if I have my prostate removed. The technical stuff is not enough. What will it feel like? The most comprehensive answers so far have come from studies within the gay community.

I want to know how I might be affected sexually by this illness and treatment. It must be possible cope with any outcome. But it seems everybody is beating about the bush: will I be able to have sex and will it still feel good? There are so many euphemisms as I begin Googling and asking friends. I suppose such things are a bit undiscussable.

More Googling powered by dread and hope in equal measures. Eventually this simple, direct article pops up from the Scandinavian Journal of Urology, published in English in 2019 entitled Gay men’s experiences of sexual changes after prostate cancer treatment by Carina Danemalm Jägervall, Jelmer Brüggemann & Ericka Johnson. If you want to know what it feels like having your prostate removed and the impact on your sex life, this is a good place to go regardless of sexual orientation.

Frank talk about sexual changes

There’s a range of experiences and no dodging the issues. Changes in orgasm. Changes in pleasure pathways around genital and anal areas. Deep questions about self identity as a sexual being. It all matters! Being an optimist, my takeaway is: many men still find sexual and relationship pleasure after radical prostatectomy.

Tomorrow I am going for the MRI-guided biopsy that might give a definitive answer about whether or not I have prostate cancer. I’ve been warned that a negative test is not something to have too much confidence in. A positive will give certainty cancer is present and also detail about its aggressiveness. Somehow I feel better prepared with information about the more intimate aspects of the journey.