October 14, 2023: Today I felt us making love together with a wholeness that has been elusive, and often absent from my experience, for nearly four years. Today went way beyond genital connection – our whole bodies were intertwining well beyond the physical. Our hearts connecting deeply, our souls dancing together in wonder and joy. And while neither of us had “conventional” pulsing orgasms, I am convinced that my experience was a new kind of full body orgasm without the rhythmic pulses that used to generate ejaculation.
Of course after prostatectomy there is no literal ejaculate. But (sometimes) I can still have the rhythmic muscular contractions most people associate with orgasm. The kind that would be pumping out semen if my prostate were still present and connected to provide the fluid. And today I am celebrating reaching orgasmic climax and release without those rhythmic contractions – and being deeply satisfied.
More than ten years ago I was captivated by the possibility of separating orgasm from ejaculation. I loved Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Man. For months I avidly practiced the physical, emotional and spiritual disciplines he advocates to reach the multi-orgasmic bliss and staying power he describes. His book on multi-orgasmic couples also inspired my wife and me. I believe I learned to connect better with my whole body, and added new consciousness to my lovemaking with my wife. But I never was able to become multi-orgasmic in the way he described, and the way many women experience.
Now prostate cancer and age have handed me these new full-body orgasms on a plate.
Mingling the giving and receiving roles
Yes, my male essence is still often expressed through a thrusting, penetrating, expanding presence. But this actually runs from tip to toe. Over the last 1,325 days since prostate surgery I have so often been frustrated and diminished when I try to hump and push genital penetration in the way that used to be effortless. With my much softer penis that kind of penetration is often a disappointment.
And I am not sure that physical penetration is as important any more as it is for our human essences to intertwine. The primary experience is of interconnecting, intertwining, embracing. Both of us draw together emotionally and spiritually – and as physically as we can. The more we put our attention on the way our skins touch from tip to toe, the way we embrace – and the less I hump – the deeper and happier our connection.
New full body orgasms without the pumping pulses
This morning I wasn’t thinking about my genitals as something separate. I wasn’t thinking of them as unreliable. I was wholeheartedly me, making love with my wife. The sensations were as much in my belly as my balls. As much in my toes and my heart as in my penis.
And the kind of orgasm I had was the closest I have come to orgasm without ejaculation. (When I use the word “ejaculation” regarding my prostateless body, I’m referring to the muscular pulsing that used to deliver ejaculate and still feels wonderful.)
There was a strong wave of intense energy sweeping through me, a peak of passion that swept through us both, followed by a release and deep loving satisfaction. But at no point did my genitals pulse in the way that used to produce ejaculation. All my muscles tensed up and expanded into the orgasm, and afterwards all of me relaxed and released, but there was no pulsing.
I believe I have been blessed now at age 65 with separation between full-body orgasm and (dry) ejaculation. With it comes the beginning of multi-orgasmic capability. After this new kind of climax, whatever erection I have stays more present and doesn’t fade away so much. Maybe in future I will have the pleasure of finally becoming the multi-orgasmic man I dreamed of being.