Caught in a shock that interrupts routines
life and death play tennis with my feelings.
My body tries to respond and finds it’s not able
Strangely aware, hyper uncertain
I look for time to help me: give certainty in an uncertain new world.
Where is my manhood now? Where did it go?
I touch myself and try to remember to reclaim my member
to stretch my timber and make it limber pull it out of the cinders
and yet I find it is weak and responds unwillingly
like a plant that needs water and light to spring up
Can I care for my new friend? nurture it? reclaim it? love it? accept it?
I read fairy tales of men much further on the journey
They say: be patient love yourself anyway
They say: love yourself other ways
They say: share your new self with your partner
The fairy godfather says: you never know after a long time a miracle may come your way.
you may reclaim your timber: find it is limber: that it has come out of the cinders,
but in the meantime celebrate the strength that comes from you daring to care:
Relax and let that be enough:
Healing is a lesson earned and gone through.