By Catherine

13 February 2023: At ages 59 and 71 respectively, we are like teenagers who discover sexuality. As a partner, I want to share what has helped in my husband’s ED recovery. Indeed, today, 6 months to the day after his cystoprostatectomy we have lived an extraordinary adventure. With an administration of Vitaros and the use of a cock ring (thanks for the advice) we had this afternoon the first intercourse with penetration and orgasm at the same time !!!!!

What it takes for a couple to recover their sex life after prostate surgery

Quite soon after surgery (12th August 2022 with cystoprostatectomy and construction of a neobladder which took more than 11 hours) we came to the conclusion that there are several kinds of couples:

  • Those with little sexual activity before surgery
  • Those with high sexual activity BUT with man at the initiative of the relationship. With a wife who has not much interest in sex but wants to be nice to her husband
  • Those with high sexual activity in which both are truly involved BUT with conflicts outside the bedroom
  • Those with high sexual activity in which both are truly involved WITHOUT (or minimal/normal) conflicts outside the bedroom.

After prostatectomy I am convinced that there is very little chance for the first three categories to overcome erectile dysfunction (ED) in their relationship.

As we are from the fourth category, we knew that sexual life would go on, with or without erection recovery. This being said, we have been very lucky because the day of catheter removal my husband had a marvelous orgasm. This very first victory was unexpected.

The more we forget the erection, the better it gets

Then we continued to have an almost daily sexual life with big pleasure for both. We observe improvements, step by step. The more we forget the erection – the better is the penile engorgement.

Yesterday my husband announced to me that he felt something very pleasant downstairs while thinking of the evening before. The first experience without needing physical touch contact with me. Six months after surgery, some nerve connections are being re-established between brain and penis! We are celebrating.

Next post: how we can still connect without full erections.

Related posts

Here are my step by step reports on the stages in our shared journey of recovery after my husband’s cancer and ED after treatment.

[Editor’s note January 2024: If you want to collaborate better with your partner in responding to prostate cancer, these conversations might be helpful.]