8 December 2022: I want to contribute to support my partner after his cytoprostatectomy. It’s nearly 4 months since his surgery, and we still can’t have sex the way we used to. Here are some of the conversations, experiments and support we have shared. My husband and I are both medical doctors in France. For more about the background, please read my first post.
Sharing responsibility for sexual relationship
Yesterday evening my husband and I had a serious discussion. We were in bed and my husband kissed me, and after a moment I noticed that he checked if something happens downstairs. As the penis did not show any sign of life, he dropped it with a look of disdain. I said that with such a behavior, things are not going to get better.
Of course, on the anatomic point of view the penis belongs to my husband. But for love it concerns both of us. Therefore my husband must treat this common good with respect !!! Every time I was pregnant, on the anatomic point of view the child was mine. But how would my husband have reacted if I didn’t share the child with him?
My husband promised that now he will consider his penis as if it was my own.
Experimenting for better erections: rings, pumps and Cialis dose changes
Concerning the cock ring: we tried once, but it took too much time to open the blister and read the instruction for use. Perhaps my lovely husband should have studied it sooner…! Once the device seemed under control the penis had nearly disappeared. We’ll be quicker next time.
My husband does not want to use a (VED) pump at all. “I’m not a plumber,” he says.
Partly, he was simply joking. But also, as a dermatologist highly competent in surgery and in wound healing, he came to the conclusion that certainly the pump will bring new fresh blood in the place of interest. But he was afraid that pump might bring damages to the new vessels that are developing after the prostatectomy. No scientific proof of that, but my lovely husband has a VERY good “nose.”
Since the Cialis 5 mg he had been taking every day since the cystoprostatectomy was giving him stomach problems, the urologist told him that he should take 20 mg, two to three times a week. He tried it yesterday for the second time and obtained a 45 degree hard erection. It will give him confidence and the certainty that nothing should be abandoned. He concluded that we are lucky, the operation is only 4 months old!
Partner searching for support beyond the medical-technical
My husband and I are both medical doctors. However the medical point of view, important for sure, is often quite different from the patient point of view in term of recovery and expectation. In France, I found discussions among the different groups are very limited. Therefore I searched for another place. for patient support. I found it – although unfortunately for me in English!
I don’t think my husband wants to share our experience on a forum. He is confused by what is happening to us and will not find the strength, at least now, to talk about his sexual problems with anyone other than me.
I think everything can change and so I am active on these forums. I recently joined the Recovering Men and Prostate Cancer UK Community groups because I wanted to share practical patient and partner experiences.
- Early days after prostatectomy – what the doctors didn’t discuss with us
- What it takes for a couple’s sexual relationship to survive prostate cancer – 6 month report
- The enabling role of soft penetration – 8 month report