The long term outcomes since my radical prostatectomy are very good, particularly from the point of view that my cancer is still undetectable on my regular checkups. In my quality of life there have been clear losses and gains. To get a feel of how things are now, I invite you to watch this short video recorded this morning.
Outer reality: new home, new body
Since I last made a video, I have moved home from Johannesburg to Toronto – where I am lucky enough to live close to Lake Ontario – which you see in the background above. The speed with which we’ve moved continents is a bit like the speed with which surgery removed my cancer and returned me to overall good physical health. And the new realities are of cold winters, and a body that is differently able than it was.
Inner reality: recovery vs adaptation
The young man in me just wants to get it all back, particularly regarding sexual function. But as my wonderful friend in Shanghai said this morning, there is a wisdom about making peace with our bodies as they are now. So I recognise that even though this website is called “recovering man” – it is really more about people adapting to, and making peace with, new realities.
The shift in inner reality is profound. The hard wiring in me is very strongly attached to my old being. Yet after four years, the new accepting me guides my life in very good ways.
Related posts – annual milestones
Thank you for always expressing things so eloquently. 6 years for me. I visit Toronto twice a year. Perhaps we can have a coffee?
Hi Mish, just wanted to thank you for your blog.
My journey has been pretty much the same as yours.
58 years old at the time, fit, healthy, 3+4 Gleason, operation 4 years ago, no trouble with continence, not much initial response to the drugs so then followed the pumps, cock rings, perseverance, one step forward – two back etc. Luckily I also have a supportive wife and have remained cancer free.
I’m now at the same point as I think you describe – a good functioning sex life, but in a different way.
Erections are mostly manually produced (not procured from thought as they used to be), and don’t last long. 1/4 tablet of viagra is kept on the bedside table for use as required. (It works best first thing in the morning for me). So all in all, I’ve come to terms with my new situation.
I found your blog when I was at a low point. I’d steered away from these sites because “I was going to make a full recovery”, “These things don’t apply to me”. Then, at about the 18 month point, my Urologist suggested I use injections. It was at this point that I realised I might not recover as I had imagined and I struggled a bit. But then I found your site and realised I wasn’t the only one in this situation and have followed you since.
I did use the injections for a while by the way, and would recommend them. The thought of sticking a needle in your dick is not pleasant, but the greater good is that you can then, afterwards, more easily imagine yourself with a full erection. You can also effectively return to the “old days” of a full erection whenever you like. I don’t really need it and couldn’t be bothered these days, but I won’t rule it out for the future.
The other thing I want to touch on is that I felt (and probably still harbour some) anger towards my surgeons for possibly botching the procedure. It’s a long story, but I suspect they operated to soon after my biopsy (6 weeks) as they told me they had to deal with swollen seminal vesicles. Incidentally my Urologist has since said they now don’t remove them. Nothing I can do about it now, but I’m still a bit pissed off. My reaction is of course straight out of the 5 stages of grief – Denial, anger, bargaining, depression then acceptance.
Anyway Mish thanks for having the courage to come forward with your situation, it has certainly helped me through this pretty tough period of my life. I share your positivity for the future and wish you all the best.
Brian
Thank you for sharing your experiences/thoughts. I’m two years since my robotic replumbing surgery and my PSA it undetectable too. I agree with your friend “there is a wisdom about making peace with our bodies as they are now”